Books are food for my soul! Pull up a beach chair and stick your toes in the sand as the Jersey surf rolls in and out, now open your book and let your imagination take you away.
In association with Goddess Fish Promotions, Jersey Girl Book Reviews welcomes David Pereda, author of However Long The Night!
DAVID PEREDA
HOWEVER LONG THE NIGHT
Prolific author David Pereda has a new mainstream novel out this month sure to capture your imagination and question the intensity and commitment of your love life. Winner of the Lighthouse Book Award for fiction and the Royal Palm Award for fiction, However Long the Night is a sizzling Romantic tale with a major dose of suspense, a tense love triangle, shocking family secrets, disgusting corporate shenanigans and a historical background.
Here’s a brief summary of the plot:
Miami Architect and successful real estate developer Cid Milan suddenly realizes his whole life has been built on a lie told by his now dying father twenty-five years ago – willfully betraying Cid’s best friend, Joaquin, sending him to prison, and forsaking his pregnant girlfriend Sandra, causing her to be thrown out of her house by her parents. Overnight Cid’s life implodes. Trying to unravel the mystery of his own past, he realizes there’s only one thing he can do: return to the land he abandoned to right the wrongs committed. In his quest, Cid rediscovers himself and his roots as he reunites with Joaquin and searches frantically for Sandra and the secret she’s been keeping from him all these years: his son. In the process, Cid learns an invaluable lesson about love, forgiveness and redemption that changes his life forever.
David is an award-winning author and college writing and ESL instructor living in Asheville, North Carolina. A member of MENSA, he is the regional director of Florida Writer’s Association’s Western North Carolina division, and the founder of Asheville’s Writing Enthusiasts.
However Long the Night is published by Eternal Press and is available in local bookstores and at amazon.com, eternalpress.biz, and davidpereda.com. It is also available as an e-book and on Amazon’s Kindle format.
About The Author:
David Peredais an award-winning author who enjoys crafting political thrillers and mainstream novels. His books have won the Lighthouse Book Awards twice, the Royal Palm Awards, the National Indie Excellence Awards, and the Readers Favorite Awards. He has traveled extensively around the world and speaks several languages. Before devoting his time solely to writing and teaching college-level courses, Pereda had a rich and successful international consulting career with global giant Booz Allen Hamilton, where he worked with the governments of Mexico, Venezuela, Peru, and Qatar, among others.
A member of MENSA, Pereda is the regional director of the Florida Writers Association and the co-founder of AWE (Asheville Writing Enthusiasts). He loves sports and has won many prizes competing in track and show-jumping equestrian events.
Pereda lives with his family in Asheville, North Carolina.
What if you found out your success was built on lies told by your father that caused great misfortune to people dear to you? What if you had the opportunity to do something about it ... twenty-five years later and at the risk of your life? Would you or wouldn't you?
This is the dilemma award-winning Miami Architect Cid Milan suddenly faces in this 90,000-word, mainstream novel. A Cuban immigrant forced to abandon his country as a teenager during the tumultuous Mariel boatlift of 1980, Cid is a self-made man who arrived in the United States with nothing. He's an example of what can be accomplished in America through hard work and determination. He hobnobs with the Mayor, has a sexy model for his girlfriend, and is building the most luxurious condominium on Biscayne Bay. But when his dying father, Colonel Jose Milan, a well-known political dissident, confesses to him a shocking family secret from Cuba, Cid's life implodes.
Colonel Milan reveals that in order to ensure Cid could leave Cuba unharmed, he collaborated with Castro's police - willfully betraying both Cid's best friend, Joaquin, and forsaking his pregnant girlfriend Sandra. Overnight, Cid's world is turned upside down. Trying to unravel the mystery of his own past, Cid realizes there's only one thing he can do: return to the land he abandoned. In his quest to learn the truth, Cid rediscovers himself and his roots as he reunites with Joaquin and searches frantically throughout Cuba for Sandra and the secret she has kept from him all these years: his son. In the process, Cid learns an invaluable lesson about love, forgiveness and redemption that changes his life forever.
Book Excerpt: However Long The Night
Cid’s mother leaned on the rail next to him. She wrapped an arm around his waist and hugged him tenderly. “How are you doing, Son?”
Cid looked into her soft brown eyes. “Fine, Mama.”
“I know you. You’re not fine at all. You always try to be so tough, but you’re not. Manny is like your father. They see life one way, like bulls. You’re like me. We feel every little emotion, because we care. So I know you’re not fine. You’re hurt.”
His eyes filled with tears. “She doesn’t love me, Mama. She didn’t come.”
“Maybe she had a reason for not coming, Son.”
“No, Mama. I tried talking to her for days, and she disappeared on me. It was as if she was angry about something. It was her way of breaking up with me.”
“Give her a chance. Call her from Tampa and listen to her explanation. You can always send for her. Maybe even come to get her.”
“I will, Mama. But deep down I know she doesn’t love me anymore.”
“Why do you say that?”
“I remembered something she said to me once. She told me, looking at me with those beautiful hazel eyes of hers, ‘Cid, the day you don’t love me anymore, don’t tell me. I don’t want to be hurt. Just go away and disappear. I’ll understand.’” A tear rolled down Cid’s cheek, and he wiped it away with the back of his hand. “And that’s what Sandra did, Mama, you see? She disappeared.”
They watched the Cuban coast in silence, gold and green and blue. A cool breeze replaced the strong wharf odor with the briny smell of the open sea.
After a while, Cid noticed his mother was crying. “What’s wrong?”
“Don’t mind me. Just an old lady’s tears.” Her gaze was fixed on the receding coastline. “She’s beautiful, isn’t she?”
To enter the contest, click the above link and post a comment on David's Tour Page on Goddess Fish Promotions to win a $20 Amazon gift card! Don't forget to leave a comment for David below too!
However Long The Night by David Pereda
Published By: Eternal Press
Release Date: February 7, 2012
Format: Paperback - 282 pages / Kindle - 760 KB / Nook
ISBN: 1615725997
ASIN: B00770C59K
Genre: Contemporary Romance / Contemporary Fiction
About The Author:
David Peredais an award-winning author who enjoys crafting political thrillers and mainstream novels. His books have won the Lighthouse Book Awards twice, the Royal Palm Awards, the National Indie Excellence Awards, and the Readers Favorite Awards. He has traveled extensively around the world and speaks several languages. Before devoting his time solely to writing and teaching college-level courses, Pereda had a rich and successful international consulting career with global giant Booz Allen Hamilton, where he worked with the governments of Mexico, Venezuela, Peru, and Qatar, among others.
A member of MENSA, Pereda is the regional director of the Florida Writers Association and the co-founder of AWE (Asheville Writing Enthusiasts). He loves sports and has won many prizes competing in track and show-jumping equestrian events.
Pereda lives with his family in Asheville, North Carolina.
Disclaimer: At the request of the author, publisher and Goddess Fish Promotions, a PDF edition of the book was sent, at no cost to me, for my honest review and participation in the virtual book tour event.
To enter the contest, click on the above link and post a comment on David's Tour Page on Goddess Fish Promotions to win a $20 Amazon gift card! Don't forget to leave a comment below about the book review too!
Book Description:
What if you found out your success was built on lies told by your father that caused great misfortune to people dear to you? What if you had the opportunity to do something about it ... twenty-five years later and at the risk of your life? Would you or wouldn't you?
This is the dilemma award-winning Miami Architect Cid Milan suddenly faces in this 90,000-word, mainstream novel. A Cuban immigrant forced to abandon his country as a teenager during the tumultuous Mariel boatlift of 1980, Cid is a self-made man who arrived in the United States with nothing. He's an example of what can be accomplished in America through hard work and determination. He hobnobs with the Mayor, has a sexy model for his girlfriend, and is building the most luxurious condominium on Biscayne Bay. But when his dying father, Colonel Jose Milan, a well-known political dissident, confesses to him a shocking family secret from Cuba, Cid's life implodes.
Colonel Milan reveals that in order to ensure Cid could leave Cuba unharmed, he collaborated with Castro's police - willfully betraying both Cid's best friend, Joaquin, and forsaking his pregnant girlfriend Sandra. Overnight, Cid's world is turned upside down. Trying to unravel the mystery of his own past, Cid realizes there's only one thing he can do: return to the land he abandoned. In his quest to learn the truth, Cid rediscovers himself and his roots as he reunites with Joaquin and searches frantically throughout Cuba for Sandra and the secret she has kept from him all these years: his son. In the process, Cid learns an invaluable lesson about love, forgiveness and redemption that changes his life forever.
Book Excerpt:
Cid’s mother leaned on the rail next to him. She wrapped an arm around his waist and hugged him tenderly. “How are you doing, Son?”
Cid looked into her soft brown eyes. “Fine, Mama.”
“I know you. You’re not fine at all. You always try to be so tough, but you’re not. Manny is like your father. They see life one way, like bulls. You’re like me. We feel every little emotion, because we care. So I know you’re not fine. You’re hurt.”
His eyes filled with tears. “She doesn’t love me, Mama. She didn’t come.”
“Maybe she had a reason for not coming, Son.”
“No, Mama. I tried talking to her for days, and she disappeared on me. It was as if she was angry about something. It was her way of breaking up with me.”
“Give her a chance. Call her from Tampa and listen to her explanation. You can always send for her. Maybe even come to get her.”
“I will, Mama. But deep down I know she doesn’t love me anymore.”
“Why do you say that?”
“I remembered something she said to me once. She told me, looking at me with those beautiful hazel eyes of hers, ‘Cid, the day you don’t love me anymore, don’t tell me. I don’t want to be hurt. Just go away and disappear. I’ll understand.’” A tear rolled down Cid’s cheek, and he wiped it away with the back of his hand. “And that’s what Sandra did, Mama, you see? She disappeared.”
They watched the Cuban coast in silence, gold and green and blue. A cool breeze replaced the strong wharf odor with the briny smell of the open sea.
After a while, Cid noticed his mother was crying. “What’s wrong?”
“Don’t mind me. Just an old lady’s tears.” Her gaze was fixed on the receding coastline. “She’s beautiful, isn’t she?”
“Si.”
“I’ll miss her.”
“Me, too.”
My Book Review:
What would you do if in an instant, your life as you've known it is suddenly all a lie? Would you be able to go back to your past and right the wrongs? Would you be able to pick up the pieces and make everything right? These are the questions that Cid Milan has to answer as he goes on a journey of self-discovery. Will he be able to seek and find forgiveness, love and redemption from the long-held family secrets?
Cid Milano is a Cuban born man, who at the age of nineteen, along with his family settled in the United States, as part of the 1980 Mariel boatlift from Cuba to Florida. When his family settled in Tampa, Florida, unfortunate circumstances led Cid to eventually strike out on his own. He reinvented himself in Miami, severing his Cuban roots and immersing himself in the American way of life. His hard work and determination over the years led him to become an accomplished, well-known and successful architect and real estate developer. His success has come with a price, as he cannot forget his past in Cuba, and a phone call from his estranged father changed life as he knew it in an instant. His father, the former Colonel Jose Milan, was loyal to his country until he became an outspoken political dissident to Castro's Marxist regime. Colonel Milan brought his family to the United States to escape the oppressive regime, but he also had secrets that he only shared with his wife. These secrets would be shared with Cid twenty-five years later, when his father called requesting that he come home, because he is dying from lung cancer and only has a month to live. His father's dying wish is to clear up the family secrets and betrayals that he has lived with since leaving Cuba. Cid and his younger brother Manny embark on a journey to Cuba, to right past wrongs, bring closure and seek redemption ... it is an odyssey that will forever change their lives.
However Long The Night is a story that has an intriguing mixture of romance and suspense. The storyline is well written and captivates the reader from the beginning. I found that the story reads like a history lesson, the author's descriptions of Cuba's history and the 1980 Mariel boatlift to the US was very detailed and fascinating. The characters were complex and realistic, their individual stories and intertwining lives gave the story more depth and made it powerfully compelling. I couldn't help but love Cid's character, his compassion and determination to make things right had me cheering him on as he went on his journey of self-discovery. The storyline has many plots, with twists and turns that keeps the reader intrigued, it is a fast-paced story with lost love, found love, betrayal, forgiveness and redemption ... all of these themes create a story that is so much more than just a contemporary romance novel.
I enjoyed reading However Long The Night, and would recommend this novel to romance fans who would enjoy reading a story that is so much more than just the typical romance novel. It is well worth the read, and it won't leave you disappointed.
In association with AToMR Book Blog Tours, Jersey Girl Book Reviews welcomes Samantha March, author of Destined To Fail!
Deleted Scenes From Jasmine's Journal in Destined To Fail
Dear Journal,
I don’t really understand why we have to write in these things. Is the teacher really going to read this? Can the school expect us to write our true feelings knowing the teacher will read it, judge us, then grade us? They must be crazy. I probably should go back and erase those first lines now that I think about it.
So, school. It’s my fourth day as a freshman at Irving. Abby has been acting strange since we got here. I don’t know what her issue is, but I wish she would cheer up already. We’re in college! There’s people everywhere and we got these fancy planners from the school and there are just enough guys for Abby to be on the lookout for. Mostly girls in this school, but I’ve seen a few cute guys milling about. Surely we can find someone to replace Jason.
I was invited to a party this weekend by a girl on my floor. Her name is Cari Ryan, and she seems like a big partyer. It’s at some dorms at a college close to here, but I’m not going to go. Abby and I are going back home. Maybe one of the weekends we stay we can go with Cari. She’s super tiny and cute, always wearing high heels, and she can be kinda provocative at times but I think we could be friends. I met another girl too in the dorms, her name is Kiley Miars. Her last name sounds like a cat purring. I saw her in the hallway on the 5th floor but I thought she was a huge snob because she looks like a supermodel and was really quiet. Turns out she’s just shy. Go figure. The three of us are planning on eating lunch together in the diner next week over break hour. I’m going to try to convince Abby to come along, but she seems to be refusing to leave the apartment. I really hope she gets over that soon.
I’m really missing Nate. Like really, really, really. We talk on the phone every night, but it’s tough. And it’s only been a week since I’ve been here. I can’t wait to go home this weekend. I heard there was a party somewhere on campus too, like a Welcome Freshman party, and I’m just a little bummed I’m going to miss it. It would be nice to meet a few more people, and try to get Abby to come out of her shell. But I’d much rather go home and be with Nate. I hope he misses me too.
Class is about over. So, what else to say about my experience so far? I don’t know. I’m excited to see what the year has in store for me. Abby and I ordered Chinese food the other night and my fortune told me, “Ideas are like children; there are none so wonderful as your own.” I don’t really get it since I don’t have kids, obviously, I’m not even sure I want any, but whatever. Abby’s said something about the time being right for making new friends. Ha! I should tape it to her mirror. That was mean. I take that back. I love Abby, and I know she’s just having a hard time adjusting. I need to be a better friend.
Well, the bell is about to ring. Mrs. Avery – hope you enjoyed my scintillating journal entry. I should get extra points for using the word scintillating, and just ignore that stuff about the Freshman Party. I don’t know where it even is. Not on campus. And I won’t be there. So that can be forgotten. Until next time…PEACE!
Jasmine Jones
About The Author:
Samantha March fell in love with books at a young age. Thanks to her mother and grandmother, both avid readers, Samantha followed in their footsteps. Field trips to the library highlighted her week, and she went on to do volunteer work at her local library while in middle school. Her early works closely resembled characters from The Baby-Sitters Club and Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen movies. In high school, Samantha excelled in writing courses and even the mundane tasks of writing history papers.
A slew of real work wake-up calls caused Samantha to shelve her dream of becoming an author. She took what she considered the practical route and enrolled in a business college in Des Moines, Iowa, where she graduated with honors in 2009. But her thoughts of writing never dissolved. In October of 2009, Samantha started the book blog ChickLitPlus.com. From her small blog, Samantha met fellow readers and writers who pushed her to continue her goal of becoming published.
Destined To Fail is the debut novel from Samantha March, and was published by Marching Ink in November 2011. Samantha currently lives in West Des Moines, IA with her boyfriend and a jumbled cast of friends who help inspire her writing. Besides reading, writing, and ChickLitPlus responsibilities, Samantha enjoys sports - especially the Green Bay Packers and Chicago Cubs - and will never refuse ice cream.
Jasmine Jones is ready to begin her new life as a college student, and is ecstatic to have her best friend Abby by her side. But weeks into her new college career, Abby drops the bomb - she is pregnant, and dropping out of college. Jasmine can't handle the fact that Abby is wasting her opportunity to get an education, and going back to her cheating, abusive boyfriend. She struggles to move on from her friendship with Abby, but befriends two new girls at college. Everything seems back on track for Jasmine - great new friendships and roommates, a strong relationship with her boyfriend Nate, and excelling at her college courses. But Jasmine's newfound happiness is shattered when her pregnancy test comes out positive. Does she have to drop out of college now and become a young mother? Will Nate stay with her? How can she afford a child? Jasmine's life has been filled with obstacles and challenges along the way - from a missing father, sexual and physical abuse, and addictions that tore her family apart. With this latest setback, Jasmine fears her life will always be a struggle. Destined To Fail is one woman's story about overcoming adversity in life, about taking the negative and finding a positive, and about never giving up hope.
To enter the contest to win an eBook copy of Destined To Fail, post a comment below with your name and email address. Also click on the link above for Samantha March's Destined To Fail Tour Page on AToMR and post a comment too!
In association with LitFuse Publicity Group, Jersey Girl Book Reviews welcomes Sandy Ralya, author of The Beautiful Wife.
Want a Growing Marriage?
My husband and I were reading a financial book about how to make your money grow when one of the principles jumped off the page at me:
What you focus on grows.
Because it’s such a simple principle, I couldn’t get it out of my mind and began applying it to all areas of life, especially relationships.
Most women have the desire to grow a more intimate relationship with their husbandyet few focus their desire long enough to do anything about it. Thus, nothing changes.
Ignorance,
Distractions, and/or
hopelessness are often to blame.
I should know. Just 19 when I said, “I do”, I was ignorant about how to grow my marriage. Our pre-marriage counseling consisted of one two-hour meeting with my pastor and that wasn’t enough to prepare me for the emotional, spiritual, and verbal abuse my husband doled out on a regular basis. The abuse produced pain and grief. I could think of little else than surviving.
Hope for our future crumbled.
Over time, I began sharing my pain with a few trusted, godly women. Venting my pain and hearing their honest feed-back helped me see that the abuse I was suffering wasn’t my fault.
I began seeing a Christian counselor who gave me tools that helped restore me to a place of strength and dignity.
The best choice I made was to dig into God’s word and find out what He wanted to say to me about my marriage. In the Bible I found the following verses which applied to my situation:
·“…Your godly lives will speak to them [husbands] better than any words. They will be won over by watching your pure godly behavior.”(I Peter 3:1,2)
In place of preaching to my husband, I began entrusting my difficult situation to God through prayer—listening for His instruction.
·“Instead, we will hold to the truth in love…”(Ephesians 4:15)
I began to exchange preaching for speaking the truth in love—in as few words as possible.
·“See that no one pays back evil for evil, but always try to do good…”(I Thessalonians 5:15)
On my new path, I chose to respond in kindness and enforce healthy boundaries in place of angry retaliation.
When I dug into the word, I learned that my husband wasn’t the only one sinning. My responses to Tom were often sinful and my response was the only thing I was responsible for. (What I wanted was to change my husband but I couldn’t find a biblical reference to support my desire and neither will you)!
Focused on God and His Word, I was able to reverse negative behavioral patterns in my life which had long plagued me.
When I did what I could do—keeping my focus on God, HE DID WHAT I COULD NOT!
He healed me and ultimately my marriage—to the praise of His glorious grace!
What you focus on grows.
Are you focused on growing your marriage?
Trust Leads toRomance
What stirs the embers of romance deep inside you?
·Loving Words
·Touch
·A Night Out?
Maybe you haven’t thought about romance lately because of busyness, fatigue, disillusionment, or hopelessness.
I’ve been there too.
But romance with the man you love may not be as elusive as you might think.
Though we all desire romance—every woman longs to be noticed, pursued, and adored—few of us realize that…
our words and actions may serve as stumbling blocks rather than invitations for the man in our life to woo us romantically.
If this is true, then we’re sabotaging the very romance we desire. Reminds me of the saying,
“If you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always gotten.”
Do you like what you’re experiencing in regard to romance?
If not, ask yourself if you’re more likely to trust OR control your husband.
You’ve seen the controlling type.
Most women on TV sitcoms struggle with control. They walk all over the men they’re with and it bothers us.
It’s easy to detect control in others, but are you guilty of similar actions?
Let’s look deeper and find out.
1.Do you correct your husband?
2.Do you instruct your husband?
3.Do you improve your husband?
Do you correct your husband’s pronunciation or perhaps the telling of a story when you know he’s got the facts mixed up?
When you correct your husband you’re telling him he did something wrong.
In this position you’ve become his mother. And that’s a romance killer if there ever was one.
Do you instruct your husband when he drives, performs tasks, or helps out with the kids?
When you instruct your husband, you’re sending the message, “You don’t know how to do this.”
In this position you become the teacher who highlighted his ineptitude. Exposed, he’ll either shrink or strike back, rather than pursue.
Do you improve your husband?
In the past, I’ve tried to improve Tom’s appearance whenever possible. Once, when dressing for dinner at an elegant restaurant on vacation, I wore a vintage cashmere jacket with pearls and heels while Tom wore an improbable, wrinkled ensemble worthy of an episode of What Not to Wear. Yet, I didn’t say a word! (Some of you may be appreciating the restraint that required!) If I’d shared my fashion-improvement advice with him,
I would have sentthe romance-spoiling message, “You could have done better.”
In what areas do you try to improve your husband?
When we correct, instruct, and improve, we justify our actions by saying we’re just trying to help when, in reality, the measures we employ have more to do with fear—the fear that we won’t get what we want or we’ll get it too late.
Whenever our actions are borne of fear, the results we experience will be disappointing at best!
Give your fears to God and trust your husband with new words and actions…
Inviting him to romance.
Romance Blooms with Showers of Confidence
Men are highly sensitive to signals of doubt because doubt plagues them.
If you continually give off signals of doubt, you will confirm the fear of inadequacy that lurks deep within your husband.
If a man believes he doesn’t have what it takes to please you, there’s not much chance he’ll attempt romance.
“A wise woman builds her house, but a foolish woman tears itdown with her own hands” (Proverbs 14:1).
Doubting your husband and his abilities tears away at a man; conferring confidence builds him up.
A confident man is grateful to the one who believes in him.
Do you have confidence in your husband, or do you find yourself regularly second-guessing him?
Do you struggle with doubt when it comes to his abilities?
He needs to be supported by your confidence in him
at home
in the workplace
and in his dream for the future.
At home, I wanted Tom involved with the discipline of our children but was rarely pleased with his methods. I thought he was too strict and should be more understanding. Instead of communicating clearly with Tom about my concerns, I undermined his authority by smoothing things over with the kids behind his back.
My actions conveyed a lack of confidence in my husband.
I sabotaged our parenting and our marriage.
·Our kids learned their parents weren’t always on the same team, so if they worked on the more lenient parent, they might get their way.
·Tom felt hurt and angry.
Doubting my husband didn’t open any doors to romance!
The media constantly broadcast fear and doubt concerning the future. Against this tidal wave of doom and gloom, it’s difficult for a manto confidently believe that God has planned a hopeful future for him.
When my husband was going through a job transition a couple of years ago, it became apparent he was struggling with doubt over his ability to succeed in a new venture. He was really down one day when he commented, “Most men don’t make a job change at fifty.”
I asked,“Who says?”
He rewarded me with a smile from ear to ear.
Tom’s words weren’t so much a statement of fact as they were a question—he was asking me if I believed he could successfully make a job change at fifty.
A wise wife counteracts the media’s message of fear with a daily dose of confidence.
Inspiring confidence in your husband is like pouring water on dry, thirsty ground.
What seeds of potential lie dormant within your husband, waiting for the showers of your confidence?
What does your husband dream of doing?
Let your husband know that you believe in him.
If you don’t, who will?
Breathe words of confidence into your husband today and watch as he stands taller with every word spoken.
That said, pray about which ones to encourage. If your husband’s dreams take him in a direction that worries you, consider your concerns.
Are they rooted in selfishness or fear?
Turn to God and give Him your worries.
Conferring confidence invites your husband to romance.
Could your love-life benefit from showers of confidence?
Vulnerability Invites Romance
It has become second nature for women to defend themselves. For untold generations, women have been hurt, taken advantage of, and diminished in their value. With the advent of the Women’s Liberation Movement, women came out swinging against the injustices they’d endured and, in the process, they lost something of great value—their vulnerability.
There is something so inviting about vulnerability.
Vulnerability is armorless.
Vulnerability draws others in.
It invites others to look deep inside.
This invitation to look inside is exactly why so many avoid vulnerability at all cost.It’s dangerous.
If you offer vulnerability to your husband, what will he do with it? Hurt you? Take advantage of you? Think less of you?
These risks overshadow vulnerability’s beauty until you consider the consequences of a life lived defensively.
Living defensively is like living in a fortress—walls built up and weapons ready. The face behind the wall is tense, scanning for threat.
A life lived on the defense is a life spent without rest, joy, or freedom.
Many women dwell behind walls that inadvertently keep their husbands out, and they wonder why they do not feel known.
Since true romance involves being known and desired, to invite your husband to romance you must take the risk of being vulnerable, tearing down your defensive walls.
For instance, when you get hurt, do you retaliate in anger, or are you vulnerable with your husband and admit your feelings?
Retaliating in anger may satisfy your thirst for justice, but it won’t give you the increased romance and intimacy you want.
No one approaches a fortress when arrows are flying from it—unless they are prepared for battle!
It takes more courage to admit your feelings of hurt than to defend yourself. It requires you to trust God to keep you safe when you expose your hurts, and to heal you if your husband is not gentle. The good news is that God promises to do all these things and more in Psalm 91:
. . . The Lord says, “I will rescue those who love me. I will protect those who trust in my name.”
You must come to recognize what triggers you to defend yourself rather than to admit your pain.
Perhaps it’s a fear that your needs won’t be met or that you’re not valuable. When the triggers come, remind yourself that God loves you and He’ll defend and protect you if you put your trust in Him.
Shooting arrows of anger over your walls doesn’t provide your husband the safety he needs to know, desire, and pursue you.
Allow God to protect you and go before you, leveling your defenses and making way for your husband to romance you.
Do you offer your husband vulnerability?
Special Note: If you are in an emotionally or physically abusive marriage, exposing your vulnerability could be damaging to you instead of healing. I urge you to seek the help you need. Contact the Domestic Abuse Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE, or call your church and ask to be referred to a reputable Christian counselor.
About The Author:
Sandy Ralya is the founder and director of Beautiful Womanhood, a marriage mentoring ministry based near Grand Rapids, Michigan. Her marriage testimony was the focus of a popular three-day interview on FamilyLife Today, TV's Walking By Faith, and Time Out For Women. Sandy is a sought-after speaker, presenting Beautiful Womanhood seminars to hundreds of women each year at MOPS groups, women's retreats, and church leadership conferences across the country and in Canada. Sandy and her husband Tom have been married since 1980, and have a growing number of grandchildren.
The Beautiful Wife uses these inspiring stories along with biblical principles to guide and encourage any wife looking for God's best in her marriage. The Beautiful Wife answers serious questions women have about their roles as wives. Discussing everything from romance and money to beauty, communication, and sex, Sandy challenges women to open up and share their journeys so that together they can see God's plan for their marriages. "It is my passion to help women discover God's heart for their marriage, just as the other women helped me," writes Sandy. "When women share with each other the details of their journeys with God as wives, it's a beautiful thing indeed." The Beautiful Wife has two companion resources - Prayer Journal and Mentor's Guide.
Celebrate with Sandy by entering her Kindle Touch Giveaway!
One beautiful winner will receive:
- A brand new new Kindle Touch with Wi-Fi
- The Beautiful Wife by Sandy Ralya
- The Beautiful Wife Prayer Journal and Mentor's Guide by Sandy Ralya
Enter today by clicking on the link above. But hurry, the giveaway ends 3/7/12. The winner will be announced at Sandy's "Beautiful Womanhood" Facebook Party on 3/8 . Sandy will be hosting an evening of chat, laughter and encouragement - bring your friends! She'll also be giving away some great prizes: gift certificates, books, prayer journals and gift certificates and a live chat with Sandy for your Bible study or small group!
So grab your copy of The Beautiful Wife and join Sandy and friends on the evening of March 8th for an evening of fun!
